Weekend breakfast update. I have bacon, eggs, mushrooms, tomatoes, sausage and toast. Man opposite has similar, but has beans instead of tomatoes. He also has an impressive beard and I will probably take him home. Waiting staff generally lovely and the washer upper has a lovely line in jumpers.

Breakfast today is the usual cereal bar plus plum and pear. Man opposite is not following the usual convention of sitting diagonally across from the other person and has sat direct opposite, but placing his legs in a diagonal fashion which results in no leg room for me. This is Not Good. He may have a Dr Who season ticket wallet but that doesn't make up for not following The Rules. The men across the aisle are happy because it's Friday and one if them got a tax return. They're sharing Samosas for breakfast because "It's Friday".

Today's breakfast update: Cereal bar plus pear and plum. Breakfast companion is man I'm presuming is a PhD student: Dodgy clothes sense, red bull and parsnip crisps. Woman opposite is wearing that much make up I have no idea what she actually looks like . She also smells of makeup. In addition the toilet on this train is disgusting.

Breakfast news: Woman drinking her yoghurt like she is doing shots ( see the gambler episode of Black Books for an example) and a man channelling Tony Stark in terms of facial hair and Lovejoy in terms of skin colour.

Three people in my carriage have a bacon sandwich. One also has a banana, like she's pretending to be healthy but she's not really. I have my apple, and a hint of smug.

Solo breakfast again. Cereal bar already eaten. Earlier, I was surrounded by three women all reading 50 Shades of Grey. I didn't want to get my banana out then.

Today's breakfast update: cereal bar, banana and Pepsi Max. No breakfast companions today, meaning I have the commuter dream of a table all to myself. However, woman across the aisle has just described in great detail how to make a sandwich to her child on the other end of the phone. The phrase 'smear the meat paste on the bread' was a particular highlight.

Family with hysterically funny toddler in the table next to me. Offered juice, he said "juice". When mum said "what do you say?" he replied "JOOOOOOSSE!" in a very clear, loud voice. He now has juice.

Breakfast update: dry crunchy nuts today. Breakfast companion today has what can only be described as a vat of coffee. She looks VERY awake.

This is getting ridiculous. Thin Man opposite me today is eating tortilla chips and salsa for breakfast. I have dry crunchy nuts*.
*Not a euphemism.

Woman opposite me is eating buns an is very thin. I am eating dry muesli and am not thin. There's no justice in this world.